Tony, Have You Got A Minute?

Tony, Have You Got A Minute?

Hello Tony, have you got a minute? We need to talk about the European Constitution. Well yes, I know that you have every confidence in the British people to do the right thing, but that is what's bothering me - they may very well do just that. And yes, I do understand that you are going to fight it on the basis of myth versus reality, but don't forget that the British public have already had one myth to contend with - remember, those so called weapons of mass destruction - we certainly don't want to tempt them with another.

Look Tony, why don't we step back a little and consider the broader picture. We've just had the European parliamentary elections which bounced us into third place behind the Conservatives and, God help us, the Liberal Democrats. Before you started playing let's get cosy with Chirac and Schroeder, the Liberal Democrats could barely raise support for a yawn never mind votes. But now that they've taken second place the voting public are beginning to realise that they have a choice and may very well exercise it next year in the UK General Election! And let's not forget the UK Independence Party - the crowd who would see us out of Europe tomorrow given half a chance. They actually gained votes, twelve seats worth of votes, and will probably gain even more if you don't stop playing pat-a-cake with Brussels and the European Constitution.

Could you have timed it any worse Tony? Trying to convince the British people to accept the idea of a bunch of foreigners meddling in our affairs barely a month after the D-Day anniversary when we celebrated keeping them out? Really, isn't it about time that you stopped all this Euro nonsense and focused your attention instead on our cousins across the Atlantic? Think about it Tony, those Americans already speak our language which means we wouldn't have to worry about trying to learn all those strange and unnatural sounds that the continentals insists on using to order their coffees. We could also reinstate our traditional British practice of speaking loudly and slowly to make ourselves understood abroad; much more effective than fooling around with translators and such like. Well okay, so the American spelling leaves a lot to be desired, but I'm sure we could convince them to put the 'u' back into 'colour', and stop calling a pavement the sidewalk.

On top of that - and here it gets really interesting - they also have an excellent constitution which our electorate is already familiar with thanks to all those American crime shows we have on British television. On top of that our transatlantic cousins have a ready made pledge of allegiance that we could borrow and adapt ahead of anything the UK Independence Party might come up with. Just think of it, morning assemblies seeing every child in every school in the land with hands on hearts extolling God to Save the Queen and bring Unity to the Union Jack. Of course we may have to do something about the word 'Republic', perhaps change it to Kingdom or Commonwealth or such like; and we will have to cut out 'liberty and justice for all' in case it promotes rumours of a move towards freedom of information. No point panicking the Civil Service into thinking that their traditional practices of secrecy and non-accountability are about to be eroded.

So what do you think Tony? No more arguments over the Euro, Chancellor Gordon Brown sidelined in one stroke, no more disagreements with France next time we want to invade another country, no more interminable arguments with Brussels about how long or flat our bananas should be. Pounds and ounces could make a come back, pints in pubs could prevail, and if we really went for gold we could even bring back feet and inches! Not forgetting the personal benefits it would bring you Tony, endless games of golf with George Bush whenever you visit Washington. Okay, yes I do see that you wouldn't want him there all the time so that you could enjoy at least a couple of hours sensible conversation with Colin Powell on each visit. But that's a detail Tony, just keep looking at the broader picture - it'll be better for your constitution in the long run.



	Hello Tony, have you got a minute? We need to talk about the European Constitution. Well yes, I know that you have every confidence in the British people to do the right thing, but that is what's bothering me - they may very well do just that. And yes, I do understand that you are going to fight it on the basis of myth versus reality, but don't forget that the British public have already had one myth to contend with - remember, those so called weapons of mass destruction - we certainly don't want to tempt them with another. Look Tony, why don't we step back a little and consider the broader picture. We've just had the European parliamentary elections which bounced us into third place behind the Conservatives and, God help us, the Liberal Democrats. Before you started playing let's get cosy with Chirac and Schroeder, the Liberal Democrats could barely raise support for a yawn never mind votes. But now that they've taken second place the voting public are beginning to realise that they have a choice and may very well exercise it next year in the UK General Election! And let's not forget the UK Independence Party - the crowd who would see us out of Europe tomorrow given half a chance. They actually gained votes, twelve seats worth of votes, and will probably gain even more if you don't stop playing pat-a-cake with Brussels and the European Constitution. Could you have timed it any worse Tony? Trying to convince the British people to accept the idea of a bunch of foreigners meddling in our affairs barely a month after the D-Day anniversary when we celebrated keeping them out? Really, isn't it about time that you stopped all this Euro nonsense and focused your attention instead on our cousins across the Atlantic? Think about it Tony, those Americans already speak our language which means we wouldn't have to worry about trying to learn all those strange and unnatural sounds that the continentals insists on using to order their coffees. We could also reinstate our traditional British practice of speaking loudly and slowly to make ourselves understood abroad; much more effective than fooling around with translators and such like. Well okay, so the American spelling leaves a lot to be desired, but I'm sure we could convince them to put the 'u' back into 'colour', and stop calling a pavement the sidewalk. On top of that - and here it gets really interesting - they also have an excellent constitution which our electorate is already familiar with thanks to all those American crime shows we have on British television. On top of that our transatlantic cousins have a ready made pledge of allegiance that we could borrow and adapt ahead of anything the UK Independence Party might come up with. Just think of it, morning assemblies seeing every child in every school in the land with hands on hearts extolling God to Save the Queen and bring Unity to the Union Jack. Of course we may have to do something about the word 'Republic', perhaps change it to Kingdom or Commonwealth or such like; and we will have to cut out 'liberty and justice for all' in case it promotes rumours of a move towards freedom of information. No point panicking the Civil Service into thinking that their traditional practices of secrecy and non-accountability are about to be eroded. So what do you think Tony? No more arguments over the Euro, Chancellor Gordon Brown sidelined in one stroke, no more disagreements with France next time we want to invade another country, no more interminable arguments with Brussels about how long or flat our bananas should be. Pounds and ounces could make a come back, pints in pubs could prevail, and if we really went for gold we could even bring back feet and inches! Not forgetting the personal benefits it would bring you Tony, endless games of golf with George Bush whenever you visit Washington. Okay, yes I do see that you wouldn't want him there all the time so that you could enjoy at least a couple of hours sensible conversation with Colin Powell on each visit. But that's a detail Tony, just keep looking at the broader picture - it'll be better for your constitution in the long run.