American Election Process , Alien

American Election Process , Alien

NASA had to spend millions of dollars on the Spirit progamme to explore an alien world, but in Britain we only needed to spend a few pence to become immersed in an environment far stranger than anything that Mars can offer. The American election process, with its presidential campaigns, caucuses and political rallies is so far out of the UK experience as to be totally incomprehensible to the average Brit.

In line with our image of being the country of Shakespeare, covered in thatched cottages, medieval castles, populated by men in bowlers hats and women in flower print dresses, our political system is almost a non-event compared to our cousins across the sea. At election time the larger political parties feed us low key, ten minute broadcasts which attempt to cajole and persuade us to vote for them using soft, reassuring voice overs. Never do they attack the opposition head on, preferring instead to use colourful graphs showing how well they did during their time in office, or would have done had they been in government.

This is backed up by polite door step callers who ask if we would like to vote for their local candidate who is such a nice man/woman who will make educating our children, cleaning our streets and policing our villages a top priority without asking for even one extra penny in local or national taxes. Sometimes, if we are lucky, we might even see that candidate from afar, waving benignly through the sun roof of their car which is usually covered in gaily coloured posters of them wearing a sickly smile. Hairdressers and dentists do a roaring trade at this time of the year.

Prior to this of course they will have been through a rigorous selection procedure, interviewed in the committee room of a town hall, the side room of a village hall, or the upstairs of a pub which doubles as a disco on Saturday nights. Their deepest beliefs and philosophies will have been explored, their choice of tie or neck scarf will have been noted, and their photogenic qualities assessed from every angle. What will not have been examined is their ability to speak fluently during ad hoc interviews with the media where it seems that to 'er' is not only human but mandatory.

We do, however, take a little more care when choosing party leaders or prime ministers. For this the whole party structure from Westminster through Lands End to John O'Groats gets involved. Typically the leadership election process starts off with a series of rumours, leaks and media speculation. Leading figures and favoured candidates deny that they are in the running, declaring that they are not wonderful enough to be selected as leader in terms so self deprecating as to be nauseating. Then comes the first round of voting where the ballot forms show which politicians really are in the running and, after the initial vote, which of them shouldn't have bothered. During this process we might get a little candidate conflict in the newspapers, but not too much because neither party nor pretender to the political throne will want to be perceived as being too aggressive. Within a week or two, after another round or two of voting, the winner is announced, backs are patted, and life goes back to normal.

What we do not have is caucuses or leadership candidates rolling up their sleeves and bawling into microphones at vast open air rallies. And our candidates would never talk about coming for a fight or make statements such as 'We're coming, you're going, and don't let the door hit you on the way out' as Senator Kerry was reported as saying recently. As for any of our candidates actually making the effort to campaign in schools, cafeteria or Rotary Clubs, that would be far too much for their limited campaign budgets. We also don't have the excitement of ballon strewn banner laden conventions, with rousing speeches from smiling, perfectly coiffured icons who arrive on stage to thunderous applause having been introduced as the next President - or in our case Prime Minister - of the country. Goodness, we do not even talk about Presidents, that term being an anathema to a country which is still a monarchy, even though Tony Blair is dying to take up the title if only he can persuade the Queen to abdicate and have Prince Charles retire to Balmoral.

Which is why we don't need to spend millions of dollars on sophisticated space probes if we want to learn about strange vistas and alien environments. We simply buy a newspaper and read about the American election process.



	NASA had to spend millions of dollars on the Spirit progamme to explore an alien world, but in Britain we only needed to spend a few pence to become immersed in an environment far stranger than anything that Mars can offer. The American election process, with its presidential campaigns, caucuses and political rallies is so far out of the UK experience as to be totally incomprehensible to the average Brit. In line with our image of being the country of Shakespeare, covered in thatched cottages, medieval castles, populated by men in bowlers hats and women in flower print dresses, our political system is almost a non-event compared to our cousins across the sea. At election time the larger political parties feed us low key, ten minute broadcasts which attempt to cajole and persuade us to vote for them using soft, reassuring voice overs. Never do they attack the opposition head on, preferring instead to use colourful graphs showing how well they did during their time in office, or would have done had they been in government. This is backed up by polite door step callers who ask if we would like to vote for their local candidate who is such a nice man/woman who will make educating our children, cleaning our streets and policing our villages a top priority without asking for even one extra penny in local or national taxes. Sometimes, if we are lucky, we might even see that candidate from afar, waving benignly through the sun roof of their car which is usually covered in gaily coloured posters of them wearing a sickly smile. Hairdressers and dentists do a roaring trade at this time of the year. Prior to this of course they will have been through a rigorous selection procedure, interviewed in the committee room of a town hall, the side room of a village hall, or the upstairs of a pub which doubles as a disco on Saturday nights. Their deepest beliefs and philosophies will have been explored, their choice of tie or neck scarf will have been noted, and their photogenic qualities assessed from every angle. What will not have been examined is their ability to speak fluently during ad hoc interviews with the media where it seems that to 'er' is not only human but mandatory. We do, however, take a little more care when choosing party leaders or prime ministers. For this the whole party structure from Westminster through Lands End to John O'Groats gets involved. Typically the leadership election process starts off with a series of rumours, leaks and media speculation. Leading figures and favoured candidates deny that they are in the running, declaring that they are not wonderful enough to be selected as leader in terms so self deprecating as to be nauseating. Then comes the first round of voting where the ballot forms show which politicians really are in the running and, after the initial vote, which of them shouldn't have bothered. During this process we might get a little candidate conflict in the newspapers, but not too much because neither party nor pretender to the political throne will want to be perceived as being too aggressive. Within a week or two, after another round or two of voting, the winner is announced, backs are patted, and life goes back to normal. What we do not have is caucuses or leadership candidates rolling up their sleeves and bawling into microphones at vast open air rallies. And our candidates would never talk about coming for a fight or make statements such as 'We're coming, you're going, and don't let the door hit you on the way out' as Senator Kerry was reported as saying recently. As for any of our candidates actually making the effort to campaign in schools, cafeteria or Rotary Clubs, that would be far too much for their limited campaign budgets. We also don't have the excitement of ballon strewn banner laden conventions, with rousing speeches from smiling, perfectly coiffured icons who arrive on stage to thunderous applause having been introduced as the next President - or in our case Prime Minister - of the country. Goodness, we do not even talk about Presidents, that term being an anathema to a country which is still a monarchy, even though Tony Blair is dying to take up the title if only he can persuade the Queen to abdicate and have Prince Charles retire to Balmoral. Which is why we don't need to spend millions of dollars on sophisticated space probes if we want to learn about strange vistas and alien environments. We simply buy a newspaper and read about the American election process.